This forum needed some freshness and despite my personal life not being as entertaining as usual as I get older, and folks like sui continuously saying I don’t matter at all, I decided it’s time to drop another personal bomb to see if people still talk here.

So there I was, in the liquor store picking up somewhere in the ballpark of $4,000 in liquor and lugging it with a hand truck down the block to one of my bars meandering the bums and elderly. And there she was, Beetlejuice hair and wild style. I thought I’d met this person before because they were shockingly memorable. And perhaps memory has always served me best.

I thought she might be the girl I’d seen before wearing Cleveland Browns gear in my bar. And I thought for a moment to be like “Cleveland Browns chickkkk…..dude, I was rooting for you guyssss!”

Anyways, I thought better of it because I wasn’t sure it was Cleveland Browns girl, but she saw me looking at her. I saw her see me seeing her and I was flustered. I said “fluff” under my breath, felt stupid, and started hand trucking boxes down the road.

I proceeded to yell at myself in the basement of the oldest city in America for not saying at least “Hello” when we locked eyes as I grunted countless bottles into caged shelves. If she ever walks in my bar again I’m gonna have to eat the turtle in my mouth and tell her, “sorry I kinda stared at you in the liquor store that one time. I wasn’t sure if I should say hello or something and I’m a stupid dummy.”

So I go upstairs and, having been awkward at least a couple dozen thousand times in my life, hop behind the bar forgetting how weird I feel being alive, put on a ball cap and some fake charisma, and started giving people that sauce. Dapping regulars, playing hot tracks from the 80s and commenting on basketball while I crack some Millers, pour some drafts and shots, and enjoy some stories, true or not.

Roughly an hour later, in she walks, comes directly up to your boy and says, “Hey dude. I saw you looking at me in the liquor store. I’ve kinda been in your bar before and mad crushed on you. Here’s my number but I’m going to The Galapagos for two weeks so I won’t be around. Text me in two weeks.” And then she left.

Folks I was BAMBOOZLED! Who even vacations in The Galapagos? Where even is that? Isn’t that where Darwin was? What is this strange context…?

So I waited for two weeks…..

…..

……

I didn’t have a single day where I didn’t think of a question I had. I knew she’d be back on Saturday so I knew I’d text her something witty on Sunday but that’s where I was sure I wasn’t as brave as her. So I said, “So…how is Darwin doing? I need pics.” God I wish I had wit when I need it.

And folks, this gal is, after spending the last week with her, the absolute girl of my dreams. She’s a prolific artist, a washtub bassist and an actual dream come true of a person to spend time with. I consider myself the luckiest man alive these past few days or maybe weeks…..

My tax liability was also exactly $1. My salary offset my tip work and ol Uncle Sam said “$1 but you better pay it.” I guess better that than calling me “Boss” or “Big Guy” and asking me for a cigarette. America needs my routing number for $1 when we are trillions in debt? This is the most complicated crack head I've ever seen.

How has 2024 been for y’all so far?