Originally
posted by
blid:
Originally
posted by
SAM_DANGER:
AS WOULD I, BLID. IT APPEARS MY GAMBIT HAS BACKFIRED! RATHER THAN PROPERLY QUAKING IN THEIR SLIPPERS AT THE MIGHT OF MY OFFENSE, IT SEEMS THESE NANCIES AND SYMPATHIZERS HAVE INTERPRETED MY ABILITY TO MAKE THAT HIT AS A LACK OF DEFENSE!
ALAS, WE ARE BEATEN! NO MORE WILL THE PRIMARY SERVER QUAKE IN FEAR OF SAM_DANGER. HENCEFORTH WE WILL BE ONLY A SOURCE OF LAND FOR THOSE WHO PLAN CAREFULLY. WOE IS US! A BLACKER DAY HAS SELDOM BEFALLEN US. IN FACT, WE CANNOT CURRENTLY REMEMBER EVEN ONE.
CREST, YOU ARE CORRECT THAT WE ARE FARILY NEW TO THE PRIMARY SERVER. LAST RESET WAS OUR FIRST TIME PLAYING THIS SERVER IN MANY MANY YEARS. OUR NOOBNESS HAS BETRAYED US AND LEFT US SHIVERING AND SHOELESS AT THE CENTER OF A BLISTERING BLIZZARD OF PAIN! OH HOW WE RUE THIS DAY!
HOO! (OF THE BOO VARIETY)
SAM
FORMER SOURCE OF TREPIDATION AND GENERAL UNEASE,
PRIMARY SERVER!
Does this mean it's safe to attack you now
BLID! WE HAVE FOUND A WAY TO TURN THIS INTO A POSITIVE! WHAT ELSE WOULD YOU EXPECT FROM THE COMMITTEE OF ONE!?
SO THE ANSWER TO YOUR QUESTION IS NO! IT IS NOT NOW SAFE TO ATTACK THE MIGHTY SAM DANGER! INSTEAD, WE HAVE DECIDED TO INTRODUCE THE MIGHTY SAM DANGER LOTTERY! WE CANNOT MOUNT RIGHTEOUS DEFENSIVE OPERATIONS AGAINST ALL WHO FOOLISHLY AGGRESS AGAINST US, SO CHANCES ARE THAT THOSE WHO ENGAGE IN NEFARIOUS BEHAVIOR WILL GET AWAY WITH IT! AT LEAST FOR NOW! HOWEVER, THERE IS, SO FAR, BASED ON A HISTORY OF THE LAST THREE DAYS, A 28.57% CHANCE THAT AN ACT OF AGGRESSION WILL BE MET WITH RETRIBUTION!
THOSE ARE PRETTY GOOD ODDS! ATTEMPT TO STEAL THE LAND OF THE MIGHTY SAM DANGER, AND THERE IS A 71.43% CHANCE THAT YOU WILL GET OFF SCOTT FREE! YOU'LL COME OUT A WINNER ALMOST HALF OF THE TIME! **ODDS OF WINNING VARY, DEPENDING ON THE NUMBER OF CONTESTANTS.
OF COURSE, THOSE WHO LOSE THE MIGHTY SAM DANGER LOTTERY PAY A HEFTY FEE. SUCH IS THE LIFE OF THE GAMBLER. YOU'VE GOT TO KNOW WHEN TO WALK AWAY, AND KNOW WHEN TO RUN!!! YOU'VE ALSO GOT TO KNOW WHEN TO EXPLODE PEOPLE, AND WHEN TO SIMPLY RELAX WITH A SAM ADAMS WINTER ALE. AHHH.. DELICIOUS!
A DELIGHTFUL SIDE EFFECT: IF I'VE DONE MY MATH RIGHT, THIS CONTEST WHICH HAS BEEN SO GRACIOUSLY BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE COMMITTEE OF ONE SHOULD RESULT IN AN 83.42 PERCENT CHANCE OF A TOP 20 FINISH BY ME! SAM_DANGER!
HA!
SAM
BRINGER OF COMFORT AND JOY, AND SOMETIMES LESS GOOD THINGS,
[PRIMARY]! SERVER
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